Eliza Martin
Eliza was born and raised in Toronto, Ontario. She graduated from Cardinal Carter Academy for the Arts with a Drama Specialist before attending the Theatre and Drama Studies program at the University of Toronto and Sheridan College.Eliza workshopped her one-woman show O, an exploration of Hamlet’s Ophelia as an early version in 2014 before creating and developing O in partnership with Ali Joy Richardson in the 15th annual Paprika Festival in 2016. The show has since been performed at the Artscape Wychwood Barns in November 2017 and is headed to the United Solo Festival in NYC in November of 2018. Her second solo show Harvey & The Extraordinary was workshopped in July 2017 under the direction and dramaturgical support of Neil Silcox, and is currently playing at the 2018 edition of the Toronto Fringe Festival
Twitter:@lizeydolittle
Instagram: lizey_dolittle
www.elizamartin.ca
Tickets to Harvey and the Extraordinary: https://fringetoronto.com/festivals/fringe/event/harvey-extraordinary
Transcript
Welcome to episode 135 of Stageworthy. I’m your host, Phil Rickaby. Stageworthy is a podcast about people in Canadian theatre featuring conversations with actors, directors, playwrights, and more.
Have you had a chance to listen to the Toronto Fringe Roundup from this past Saturday? On Saturday, I sat down with a group of artists from a few Toronto Fringe shows and we talked about their shows, Fringe in general, and what shows they’ve loved. And we’ll do it again this Saturday, July 14th, and this time we will stream it live at 10am. So watch the Stageworthy Twitter feed for the link to listen live.
The episode will also be posted to the regular feed before noon on Saturday. If you want to drop me a line, I would love to hear from you. You can find Stageworthy on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram at stageworthypod, and you can find the website at stageworthypodcast.com. If you want to drop me a line, you can find me on Instagram and Twitter at philrickaby, and my website is philrickaby.com. My guest this week is Eliza Martin, whose site-specific solo play, Harvey and the Extraordinary, is on now at the Toronto Fringe Festival.
So how was O? You performed that in the spring. In last fall, actually. Yeah, it went well.
It went well, I was excited. It was my first foray into self-producing, so I was definitely nervous doing that. I don’t think that that is my strong suit.
But it was such an education, which was great. Was it your first solo play? O is, but it wasn’t my first time performing it. So O actually has quite a long history.
Okay. But that was my first time self-producing. I mean, it is a pretty unique skill.
It’s one that you end up doing it out of necessity rather than because you particularly want to. Yeah, it was so wonderful. I learned so much.
I think everyone should do it just to learn all the things you can learn from it. But it also clarified for me what I feel like my strengths and weaknesses are. And it taught me how to work on that.
I had to become strong at things that normally I’d be terrified of and would run from. Like the idea of self-promotion. Oh, God.
Like promoting the show. That’s the thing I think that a lot of us are worst at, is talking about our work. And then if you want people to come and see it, you have to find a way to talk about your work.
When you really want to be like, oh, it’s just a thing. There’s nothing special, but you can’t promote that way. Yeah, especially when I find in the middle of the process is the time when I’m creating.
So I’m nervous. I’m going through my daily mood swings. I was like, oh, wow, this feels great.
This feels terrible. This feels great. And that’s just my personal private process on all my projects.
Oh, sure. And that’s just my own journey, right? But I think we all have aspects of that. It’s tough.
And that’s the time to self-promote. That’s the time when you’re getting on the internet. And you want to promote because I’ve always been working with such wonderful people.
So I want to promote their work. And it’s so funny how we’re so willing to speak up for others. Oh, sure.
Like, I’m so in love with all of my co-creators and all of my team members. And so I want to promote their work. But I’m like, it’s my own work as well.
Funnily enough, I’m attached. I should learn how to do it for myself too. Oh, I know.
I know. And it’s so hard to do. It’s so hard to do.
I always try to front load. Like, I’ll do my poster long before I start rehearsing. Because I know I can’t do that while I’m going through all of the terrible things.
So I’ll try to write, can I write a press release beforehand? Can I do all these things? That I learned from trial and error. But it’s like, that’s how I have to do it now is front load. And then I don’t have to worry about it.
And then when I’m in the middle of it, everything is there that I just need to… Like for friends, for example. I just like, ah, here’s all the things I need. Five minutes, boom, everything’s ready to go.
And I don’t have to freak out. It’s so smart. Yeah, that’s like such a smart thing to do.
I have not mastered that. But also, like, you know, I said I self-produced. But at the same time, like, it was such a team effort.
I look back and I’m like, truly, the stuff that I was supposed to do as a producer, so much of it fell to like kind friends. Or team members that were like, don’t worry. Like, I’ve got that.
I’ll hop up and do that. Which was like, I was very, very lucky. Where… So, O, if you want to describe that.
Yeah. So essentially, so O is my first solo show. And it follows an actress, Lee, as she plays Ophelia in a very poor production of Hamlet.
Poor as in it has no money or it’s a bad production? No, no, it’s a bad production. And sort of is a bad situation for her. And it kind of, in general, explores the life, the onstage and offstage life of the ingenue.
So it’s about the characters, who those characters are in plays, and then who plays them. Who those actors are, who continually play those parts. And I’m really fascinated with that.
And I kind of got hooked onto it. So I originally started working on O in 2014, when I really wanted to write something about Ophelia. Like, I’m very interested in Ophelia.
And I was very attracted to all these images of her and the way that we perceive her. And so I did a workshop when I was still in school, exploring some of the text and some of how she’s portrayed in other pieces. And then I came away from it kind of shaken.
Like, I didn’t necessarily love what I came out with. But the beautiful thing that I came up with was Ali Joy Richardson was in the audience, who’s a friend of mine. And then two years later, she called me up.
And she had a slot in the Paprika Festival in the director’s unit. So she’s one of the directors. And she was like, how would you like to do O with me at the Paprika Festival? And so we met for coffee.
And we kind of like jumped into this wild process of essentially like scrapping what I had before, which was what I wanted to do. Like I said, I kind of wanted to let go. It was wonderful to inform what we had.
But I didn’t feel like I wanted to use much of it. And then she pushed and encouraged me to write my own material. And then the two of us created the new version together.
Hmm, nice. Yeah. So that was in the Paprika Festival, which was such like a wonderful, wonderful experience and such an education.
Uh, it was terrifying and magical, all rolled into one. It was very scary for me, but it was so special and important in my journey. Was your first performing as a solo piece? Essentially, yeah.
I mean, aside from exercises in school. Yeah. It was my first.
And it was also my first time performing my own writing. Right. Which is why I was so terrified.
Like I was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Ali was such a rock.
And was the reason I did it a hundred percent. But she like sparked in me this like love of doing it. And then that was.
So that still is the heart of the piece. And then I have now extended it. And the most recent version was directed by Rebecca Ballarin.
But now it’s like a longer, more kind of like fleshed out version. Just because in Paprika, we had a 30 minute slot. Yeah.
Which was what we had back then. It was perfect for what we had. And then I wanted to keep adding to it and exploring it.
So it’s been like kicking ever since. What is it that made you want to perform a solo piece? I think I’ve always been attracted to solo theatre. Like there’s such a beautiful challenge.
I always find it like when I attend solo pieces. I’m just, I’m amazed at what they come up with. Yeah.
Like the way of storytelling, the storytelling methods that they use. Yeah. Are so creative.
Yeah. Because you can’t rely on things you normally would. Like I think about when scenes shift and change in other theatre.
And you know, even as something as small as an actor or like a unit of a scene, right? An actor enters or a character exits. Yeah. Or like, I don’t know, like things that I find very traditional.
Yeah. And then rethinking that and having to scrap it and sort of say, okay, does this person become a new character? Yeah. Or is it a sound change or a lighting shift? Or does this object that I’m holding become an entirely new object? There’s just so much creativity.
And so I was really attracted to that. And I think the reason I started thinking about it when I was still in school was because I wanted to be able to work on something after graduating. Yeah.
That I kind of had control over. Yeah. Just because I think there’s so much waiting by the phone or there can feel like there’s so much waiting by the phone as an actor.
And I wanted to know I had something of my own to think about and work on in my own time and put energy into. So I think it came from that, honestly. And then after that initial workshop in 2014, I didn’t think it would go anywhere until Ali sort of rescued it.
You mentioned the terror of performing it the first time. And I definitely relate to that. The first time I performed my solo piece, The Commandment, I did it at the Hamilton Fringe.
And I thought, oh, it’s going to be such a great day. I’m going to go see some theatre before I go to do my play piece. Everything’s fine.
And then I woke up that day and I was like, oh, my God, I’m performing this in front of people today. And the day turned into this wreck of anxiety. Yeah.
And I couldn’t think of anything else. And but after I did it the first time, it was so freeing. It’s yeah, absolutely.
It’s electrifying. Yeah. Like I think about, I totally experienced that as well.
But even just the moment of standing in the wing alone and you’re about to walk out. And for me being like, I’m not going to leave this stage at all. And I am entirely alone.
Like nothing is so… I know. It’s like we’re trained for, you know, it’s okay. You know, if you lose your line, your partner can help you.
We’re trained to be a unit. And then when you’re doing solo, it’s like, nope, I got to get myself out of this. Yeah.
So. And that in itself is such a challenge too. Like aside from the actual piece.
Yeah. Just that feeling of like flicking the switch, you know, walking on and then knowing you’re not going to leave. It’s only you.
Yeah. And when you like play all those anxieties in your head, as we all do of going like, okay, that one moment that I get a little nervous about dropping that particular line, what’s going to happen if I do. And then having to live through it.
Yeah. Like a lot of it was having to live those fears and be like, and I survived. Yeah.
And we do. And we do. I found it interesting and kind of addicting, actually, to be able to take an audience on a journey, just yourself.
Like, and especially if you wrote it, it’s just you. Yeah. And it’s your words, it’s your acting, it’s, you know, and you’ve taken them through this.
And it’s finishing each night just on a high. And then when it’s done, just being like, I need any more of this. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah. I felt that as well. Yeah.
It’s such an interesting animal, the theatre in itself. And it is like, you know, I keep talking about how terrifying my first experience was. And it was just because I have never done it.
And I think as a female in theatre as well, we don’t necessarily get given the same opportunities to carry shows, quote unquote, carry shows. And I think about like the number of times that I have, it’s the same feeling of starting a show. But I have so rarely begun a show as like a female actor.
Yes. It’s so rare that I’m the one that gets to start. And so it was that moment as well, like getting used to that feeling.
Yeah. Was a very different thing. And again, just knowing, yeah, it’s all me.
And I’m a very, like, I’m a very relaxed performer when it comes to working in an ensemble. I love working in a team, which is kind of funny, like when I do so much solo theatre now. But I love being in that team.
And I find it relaxing to kind of volley. Yeah. I don’t mind when actors, like I like to pick up for people.
And I love when they pick up for me. Like, it’s just such a beautiful feeling. Yeah, it totally is.
It’s just great and weirdly relaxing and entirely different in solo theatre. Yeah. Because your scene partner is the audience.
Yes. And they can’t help you with your line. No.
It’s like your scene partner doesn’t know what’s coming next. So they can’t actually rescue you. Yeah.
And I think I do think after a while, you gain that piece again, like you regain it. Yeah. And suddenly, you know, there’s that like wonderful feeling that you can feel on stage sometimes where you just like look out and there’s just total stillness.
Yeah, yeah. And you actually become relaxed. But that took me a while.
And it still takes me a while at the beginning of every piece. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I found the hardest thing was, and I hadn’t considered this until my director said it, was that, so since your scene partner is the audience, you have to make eye contact with people you can see. Yeah. And I was like, wait, wait, wait, with the audience? Like those people? Yeah.
And no, but he was right. And I couldn’t do it the first time. I had to cheat.
Yeah. But after that, I realized that he was absolutely right. Being on that stage and connecting with people.
And it was the difference between talking at them and talking to them. Talking at them didn’t draw them in, but talking to them did. It’s true.
Yeah, I found at the beginning that I would lose things. I’d be so lost for a second. And because you’re doing all this strange acrobatic work in your head of like, oh, look, it’s Sylvia.
Oh, hey, Sylvia. I wonder what she’s doing here. I don’t know, like all this kind of weird stuff that we secretly do, I think, sometimes.
And then later, I found, as you found, that they are the scene partner. You do feel like you’re talking to them. Yes, yeah.
Eventually, not at them. But I experienced the same thing. Well, it can be so hard because we’re not used to talking to our audience.
No. Our audience can be intimidating. Yeah.
And you, in most cases in Toronto theatre world, you know them. You know, like 90% of them. Sure.
So I’m like, oh, look, it’s Aunt Judy. Whoever it is. But you know, you always want, I understand the people who sit in the front row.
They’re like your friends and they sit in the front row. But I’m always like, could you not? Because I’m going to look out and I’m going to see you and my reaction is not going to be my character’s reaction. I can’t help but react to you.
Yeah, it’s hard to work past that. It is, yeah. I feel like, again, that’s like one of the things that slowly, slowly is coming more easily to me.
But I also love when it’s an actor because you can always tell. Because they’re like, as soon as you look at them, they like lean forward and they start to try to work with you. Yeah, they drop in with you.
It’s really beautiful. It’s always funny when it’s like somebody who isn’t in theatre and you look at them and they immediately fold their arms and they’re like, no. Or they look away.
Oh yeah. I’ve had that happen so many times. But when that happened to me, I was like, okay, you’re my new project for this whole show.
Like you are my guy. I do nothing but talk to you. Yeah.
And they weren’t eventually. I think they’re afraid that you’re going to make them do audience participation. Yes.
Yeah, that’s very true. Happily enough, yeah, and oh, there’s no audience participation, but a lot of speaking to them. But it’s interesting because I don’t know if you experienced this, but I, as an audience member, really don’t like audience participation.
Oh, I hate audience participation. If I’m not on stage, I’m really happy to not. I’m happy to just watch.
But the thing is that like audience, because I know that I hate audience participation, I don’t tend to put it in my show. It’s so funny you say that because I have the intelligence to be honest. Okay, that’s fair.
My second solo show, Harvey and the Extraordinary, is almost all audience participation. Warning, this show is in Toronto Fringe. So if you were thinking of going it, there will be audience participation.
It’s flagged as such. They actually asked you to point it out. I’ve noticed in recent years that that’s like one of the warnings that they’ll give.
This show has mature themes, of course, language and audience participation. You’re like, that’s a warning now? Yeah, it’s a warning. So it’s pretty interesting.
So Harvey and the Extraordinary, if you would tell me a little bit about what that’s about. Yes, so that show is, it’s site specific and interactive. It’s a solo show and it’s about an eight-year-old girl that puts on a mime performance in her garage.
So you as the audience attend her performance and then once in there, she kind of takes you on this journey that’s a little bit unexpected. And it, as a show, explores what it means to feel special and extraordinary as a child. Hmm.
And what was the, what inspired this show? So it’s not autobiographical. Okay. But it is very, has anecdotes that are from my childhood, as well as from the childhood of Neil Silcox, who’s my director, dramaturg, co-creator.
And I ended up writing it because I was at a talk with Hayley McGee, you know Hayley McGee at all? She’s a really wonderful solo theatre creator. And I just, she really inspires me, but she was kind of talking about just the like fearlessness of doing solo theatre. And I’m really inspired by how she kind of pulls ideas out of anywhere and everywhere.
And I think I, at this moment in time, I guess this was last winter, I had felt like I had been working for so long on O and doing all these different versions and I just kept kind of running into walls with it. It’s been a very long process. So it’s been about four years now that I’ve been working on it.
And I went home and I just was so like revved up and inspired to just do something that would come quickly and easily and with the spirit of why not. Yeah. And so I, as a child wanted to be a mime.
That was the way I ended up going into theatre. Okay. Is because I was really obsessed with mime.
And so I just thought, wouldn’t it be funny if it was just about a girl who wanted to put a mime show on in her garage and everyone just came to her show and the show was the mime show, but like a terribly executed childlike version. Okay. Which is not actually what the show has become.
Okay. But that was sort of the impetus. Sure.
And then I wrote all night. Like I just wrote, wrote, wrote and a bunch of stuff came out. Not all of it stayed.
Some of it did. Sure. And then the next day I emailed Neil Silcox.
He’s a good friend of mine and a former teacher, mentor, wonderful person. And said like, what do you think of this? Do you want to do something? And he was like, yes, I’m in. And so that’s where it began.
And then it’s like evolved, evolved, evolved ever since that. And also was heavily inspired by my work. I do, I work with children a lot in early childhood education, arts education.
And so the character Mimi, who’s the main character is like very much lifted from a lot of my interactions with them. Can we back up to the part where you wanted to be a mime when you were a child? I was looking to skip over that. I’m kidding.
No, no, no. What was the first mime that you encountered? I actually have no idea. Okay.
I really wish I could remember because it was huge for me. Like it was very much my focus and goal. And I don’t know.
I don’t know if it was in a movie. My stepfather really loved Red Skelton. Okay.
And so I don’t know if it was this sort of like clowny inspired humour that I saw. Or if I saw some kind of street performance. I don’t know.
Wow. I’m not positive, but I was very obsessed with mime at a very early age. And the Tooth Fairy used to leave me mime equipment.
So I got, which is like a big part of the show now. Okay. That happens for Mimi the character.
I received mime gloves from the Tooth Fairy. And I got a little beret and I got a mime video cassette, mime books. Like you name it.
Wow. Some kids got Toonies. You got what you really wanted.
I got mime equipment. Yes. Yeah.
And then my parents, I wonder. We’ve never really had a discussion about it. I wonder if they were like a little bit concerned or confused.
But they ended up putting me into drama classes as a child. And then I sort of fell into it from there. So it was mime first.
Yes. And then they were like, we don’t know what to do with this. Let’s put her into theatre classes or to drama classes.
Yeah. They’re like, let’s broaden this. Yeah.
This is weird. We need to start talking about stuff. Yeah.
She keeps walking her mime dog at parties. Yeah. It’s really weird.
She keeps walking in the wind. She keeps getting stuck in his box. She’s constantly blowing away.
Yeah. Were you any good as a kid as a mime? That I cannot confirm. I would like to believe I was.
Okay. I got my siblings into it. Okay.
I used to play mime sports. Mime? Okay. What are mime sports? Well, you know, simply a sport such as like badminton.
And there were mime rackets and a mime birdie. And so we would play a mime sport. Nice.
And somehow someone would win and someone would lose. You had to be a good teammate. Yeah, you totally did.
There could be no… No, I didn’t. I didn’t miss. Yeah.
No, they really went along with it. Nice. I should thank them for that.
You really should. You really should. They taught you how to work with others instead of being a solo mime.
They did. Yeah. I’m a middle child.
So I learned it from a young age. Yeah. I had that going.
When you started doing drama classes, at what point did you decide that this was the thing that you were going to do with your life? You were going to do theatre? I don’t know that I had a particular moment. I think I just always knew. I don’t know.
There are moments I’ve definitely had those beautiful cathartic moments where I’m like, oh, wow, this is it. This is what I love. But I think I just always… I don’t know.
I think I just decided. Somewhere along the mime phase. Somewhere you decided this is what you were going to do for your life.
Yeah. So you don’t remember figuring out that you could do that for a living? No. I don’t remember figuring that out.
But I grew up in Toronto. So I was exposed to theatre from a very young age. My mom used to take me to YPT and we would go to Soul Pepper.
I remember seeing The Importance of Being Earnest when I was 11. And I was obsessed. And I went to the library and I took out The Importance of Being Earnest so I could read it on my own.
And I wanted to be Cecily. I wanted nothing more to be Cecily. I was so obsessed.
And so, yeah, I was very lucky in that way. Like my mom, I think they realized, hence the tooth fairy. And they were really wonderful about feeding that.
Yeah. Like I, you know, I kind of did my own thing. But they understood that about me.
And we went to go see theatre and did a lot of reading. I read a lot and a lot of plays and such growing up. When you were in high school, you know, you sat down with a guidance counselor.
Did you sit down with a guidance counselor? I did. Yeah. Because when I sat down with my guidance counselor, and they said, okay, so now we need to start thinking about what we’re going to do and what you want to do after high school.
And I said, I already know I want to be an actor. And they were like, um. Oh, no.
Because they were ready to be like, okay, so you can get a B, you can go to university, you can do this, you know, engineering, all this stuff. They had all this stuff. And they had no idea what to do with theatre or actor.
Yeah. I didn’t have that experience. Only, I mean, I went to Cardinal Carter Academy of the Arts.
Okay, that helps. It did help. It was, yeah, they were fantastic.
So they were not shocked. No, I imagine not. And they did have the resources to point me in the right direction, which was wonderful.
But at that time, I actually had already hilariously enough decided where I was going. Okay. And where was that? It was, so I went to the University of Toronto, the Mississauga campus.
And it’s called the Theater and Drama Studies Program. So it’s the University of Toronto and Sheridan College. I’ve had a few people come through here.
Oh, amazing. Yeah. So you graduate with the BA from U of T, and then you have your acting diploma from Sheridan.
Nice. And it’s all in four years. So it’s like, it’s a wild four years.
I can imagine. It’s action-packed. Yeah.
But it was wonderful. And it was just, for me, it was just what I was looking for. And I actually was pointed in the direction by Neil Silcox, who is my, like, co-creator on Cartooning Extraordinary.
It comes full circle. It all does with me. And so I had met him through the Toronto Youth Theatre.
He was, he ended up becoming the artistic director of the Toronto Youth Theatre. And he was a mentor for me and a director. And he went to the same program.
And so I, you know, very much looked up to him and was like, what a wonderful person. What a great performer. I had seen his work as well and knew I was going to apply there.
And I was very much like a child or a young person that was about vibes and feelings. Like, I just sort of decided, I was like, this is it. And this is what I will do.
And it’s not that I expected to get in. It’s just that I felt that it was right. And so I very much… Did you have a backup where you’re like, if I don’t get in, this is what I will do? Yeah, I very much did.
And my parents, though they were very supportive, I’m the only artist in my family for the most part. My aunt is a musician and she’s wonderful. I have an uncle who’s an artist.
But of my sort of generation, I’m the only artist. And so I applied to 10 universities and I applied to three theatre schools. And for some reason, I had decided that if I didn’t get into theatre school, again, this is the flaw of my strange system.
But I was like, it must be a sign. And then I won’t go. Oh, my God.
I know. Oh, my God. Which is so… No, it’s very sad to look back on.
That’s giving me anxiety right now. Just like, if I don’t get into university, I’m going to kill my dream. You know what? I look back and I’m like, oh, my goodness, how did I think like that? And older me doesn’t at all.
But I did at the time. I just thought it must be a sign and I won’t go. But I felt in my heart of hearts that I was like, I need to go to the U of T, like the Theatre Arendelle program, Theatre and Drama Studies.
And I got in and I went. So that was a beautiful thing. But my parents also very realistically sort of said like, we want you to get a degree either way.
So if you don’t do theatre school, you need to go and do something. Which I agree with. I appreciate them doing that because I love to learn.
And I knew I wanted to go to school either way. And so I wanted to get a degree. So I was happy I did.
But yeah, a lot of pressure. Looking back, I’m like, I can’t even understand how much pressure I put on myself. Bizarre.
So I guess I was lucky that I did get in. You got into the school that you wanted to, that you were like, this is the school for me. Yeah, I was very lucky.
I got into the three, but I knew I wanted U of T. Which three did you get into? Windsor, Ryerson and the U of T Sheraton. I auditioned for, this was a long time ago. I auditioned for basically two theatre schools.
I auditioned for Ryerson. I auditioned for George Brown. Oh, yeah.
And I got into Ryerson and George Brown. Oh, yeah. And I chose George Brown.
Right. I was glad I did at the time because I heard about Ryerson doing the, come stand on the stage in a bathing suit and we will tell you what’s wrong with your body. And I was like, I can’t do that.
Oh my gosh. I’m not doing that. Yeah.
No, thank you. So yeah. I love the George Brown program.
I actually wanted to, I wanted to apply there. My parents, unfortunately kind of. They were like, you need to get a degree.
Yeah, yeah. They pushed me away, which is, which is totally fine. It’s everyone has their own path.
Yeah. But I also think I look back and I was really, I was very much a nervous young person. Still, I’m a nervous person.
I don’t think I could have handled the idea that I wouldn’t be invited back every year. Fuck. You know, I was scared.
So I’m glad I didn’t. You know, the thing is that, I mean, that’s something that I didn’t really think about until I was in, I started at George Brown and we started getting towards the Christmas break. The idea that there were people who were not coming back.
Right. And after that, after that time, and I stayed by the skin of my teeth, but that was just fear for the rest of, and you don’t do your best work when you’re afraid. That’s what I worry would happen to me.
I’m sure for some people, it like really invigourates them. It just does not for me. I would shut down and very, and much more, much more so as a young person.
Yeah. I went to school. I was still 17 when I went to school.
Okay. And I look back and I was so young. Yeah.
So young. And I felt so young and nervous and scared and like really had to work through a lot of stuff. I guess at that point, most of the people that you were going into school with were 17.
I mean, I have a late birthday, so that was sort of part of the reason. But I find with theatre school, a lot of people come in from different, you know, their own background, different journeys. Yeah.
And so we had an age range within my class. Oh, that’s good. I was a bit jealous of the older people.
I was like, I wish I had more perspective, but I was just terrified. Yeah. It’s funny because when I was in theatre school, most of us were like right out of high school.
Yeah. Maybe somebody had taken a year off. And one person was 30 and had lived and come in.
They were a favourite of our acting teacher. Yeah. Who often said to us, I wish I could have you at 30.
You’re just so young. And we were like, yeah, but teach us. But anyway, and so all of that has taken you to solo performance.
Yeah. And did they talk about solo performance when you were at school? Did they talk about that at all or even self-producing? You know what? Self-producing a bit. My program was really wonderful for instilling this kind of DIY attitude within us, which was great.
So we all learned the first two years of our program, we actually learned the technical side of theatre. So we all needed to tech the main stage shows. So I was set crew for two years, if I could imagine.
I had a pink hard hat and I rocked it. Right. I really enjoyed it though.
It was wonderful to learn. And I think it’s super important because it just gave you a wonderful respect for the people that do those jobs. And in many people, it inspired them to pursue that.
A lot of people did that as well, which is really cool. So they were really great for giving this well-rounded understanding of the theatre world. And we actually had a project in our third year of school where you had to create your own solo show of sorts.
But it was based around your greatest fear or weakness. So it was a different, for me, a very different exercise in that I didn’t enjoy it. I’m surprised that you decided to do a solo show at all then.
I mean, it wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy doing it alone. I think it was that it was based around my biggest fear and weakness. And as I said, I was a very nervous person and I did feel very young in theatre school.
I still feel very young. But I mean, I had a lot of learning and unlearning to do. And so it was hard for me to go in it alone.
And the point was that you had to do it alone. So the way that I praise, I give so much credit to the teams that I work in because they absolutely carry me. They make it possible because they all know so much what they’re doing.
And I rely on their knowledge. And then when I was in school doing that, it was just you. You know, at the time back when I was doing it, I think it’s definitely changed since.
But at the time, you weren’t supposed to show anyone. And a lot of people didn’t want to talk about it really. And there’s this sort of air of secrecy because I think it was based around your fear or weakness.
And so you did feel really alone. Or I felt really alone. Again, some people, I’m sure, really thrived.
Were you told not to talk to people about it? Or is that just something that… It was, I think it was more the culture of each class. My class wasn’t so much like that. They’re pretty friendly group of goofs.
But we weren’t allowed to show it in its entirety to anyone. So a lot of us sort of got… We sought out help or advice from older students or from professors. But we weren’t supposed to show the full piece to them.
So it was really… I found it really isolating. Yeah, I definitely… I think I would be in the same boat with that because first off, if the culture is basically don’t talk about it. Now you are building up the fact that you are going to reveal to everybody what your greatest fear is for the first time.
And it sort of implies that you’re going to conquer it. Yes. You know what I mean? There’s this expectation that you’re going to do something that’s mind-blowing.
Yes. And because of this, I no longer have my fear. And that’s not really how fear works.
Not at all. No. Not at all.
And it didn’t at the time… It’s kind of sad. But I think about your classmate with the idea of being 30. And I wish I could do theatre school at 30.
Oh, fuck. I wish I could go back. Yeah.
Or I wish I could do that exercise. Honestly, since I did it, I had to heal for a while. But after that, I wish I could do it every year.
Because now I’m a person who wants to dig into that. And I feel healthy and ready to do it. But at the time, I just… What I gained from it was that I thought I was going to die, essentially.
I thought nothing was scarier. And on the day I showed up, I walked on stage. I did something.
Yeah. No memory of what. And I walked off stage.
And I lived. And that’s what I gained. Sure.
So I think other people had a different experience where they were like, Wow, I feel like I really opened something within myself. I stood up there loud and proud. I did this.
I did that. And for me, it was that I got through something. I was so terrified.
And I woke up the next day. That was my deepest fear. And I did it.
When it was done, did you feel like it busted you open? Because you mentioned that you had to heal after. Was it rough? Was it difficult to reveal that about yourself to people at the time? It wasn’t. Only because I didn’t reveal what I thought I was… I didn’t think that was my fear.
I thought my fear was something else. I was going at it with the content. I dug into content that was really upsetting to me.
It was very violent. A lot of sexual violence. Just stuff that’s really hard and harrowing to present on stage and to do as a performer.
And I thought that was my challenge. And it was challenging. And actually, I think my challenge was working against myself.
It was just being in a room alone. And looking at this huge thing that I felt like I was going to be judged so harshly on. How could I possibly do it? And then showing up and doing it.
And going home and going to bed and getting up and realizing the sun rose again. And living my life. And it was helpful, ultimately.
Because I was like, well, I think we build up those challenges so much in our minds. And then when we actually live through them, we’re like, okay, I did it last time. You’re going to live again.
You’re going to be all right. You’re going to live through this one. So that was helpful.
But I really did struggle. It’s not what I thought. I was going in there to do.
And it’s not. I think it took me a long time to understand that. It took me probably years, in fact, to walk away and be like, you did your challenge.
Your challenge was to take all of that fear and just do it anyway. And to realize you’re okay. And catch yourself.
To be able to catch myself was surprising and really important to me. Hmm. And so that piece is not the piece that you eventually performed.
It’s not. You filed that away. I did.
And never looked back. No. No.
And that’s, you know, that’s nothing wrong with that. Because that was an exercise at school. It wasn’t something that you were necessarily supposed to turn into anything more.
Yeah, it didn’t feel like my piece. Yeah. I had so many great friends who did pieces that I think they felt it in the room as they did them.
And the way people responded. It was a piece that I was like, you need to do this again. You need to take this.
And I don’t think they expected it, but it kind of blossomed. Yeah. And for me, it didn’t.
It’s a wonderful play. It’s just that’s not my piece. Yeah.
And I worked really hard to like shift my voice while I was in theatre school to challenge myself and to try and, you know, be this sort of like every woman vehicle. And when I came out of school, I think I decided I should just celebrate who I am and go more into that. Well, I mean, they do.
I mean, theatre school does tend to encourage a certain blandness. Yeah, in a funny way. And I don’t know.
You know, since I was in school, I graduated in like… And I was like, I look at some of the people that I work with or that I’ve talked to on the podcast, and they seem like such individuals in a way that I don’t think that was encouraged at a certain point. And maybe that hasn’t gone away that we’re there still teaching people or trying to convince people to be anything when you walk into that room. And I don’t think you can be… I don’t know.
It’s hard to say. Like, I know my own experience because… But it’s hard to know how much of that was me, to be honest. Like, I’m very much… And again, going to school so young, but at heart, such a people pleaser.
Like, I really had to dig into that because my experience in theatre school was working. And I love to work. I love to study.
You know, very much a good student thing where I worked so hard to fit into all the like nooks and crannies and make myself into the things I saw rewarded. So I worked really hard to do that. And then I felt later in theatre school and when I got out into the world, I was like, oh, wow, that doesn’t reward anyone, number one.
And number two, it doesn’t feel rewarding. It didn’t feel good, but I didn’t know it at the time. I think I needed a lot of perspective to look back and see that.
But it’s hard because you’re being marked, right? And that’s something for a person like me that I could not get away from. I was like, I want to do my very best and get great marks and do all this stuff. And are you really doing the best for your art? Are you really opening up yourself as an artist? I don’t know.
It’s so hard because theatre school can have such a profound effect that can take years to deal with. Yes. I can remember finishing theatre school.
And I think for about 10 years, I was still trying to impress my acting teacher. Oh, absolutely. Yeah.
And you respect them. Like I have so many fantastic teachers who I cared for and respected and they come see my work. And I’m so aware of them in the room.
Like you can’t, it’s so hard to get rid of that. I never want to know. Oh, yeah.
And good stage managers that I’ve had have been like. Don’t tell him. They will be, they’ll like come into the room before and they’ll be like, or even if they’re really smart, like before we get to performances, do you want to know when there’s somebody in the room? Do you want to know if there’s a reviewer or a Derek Chua or whatever? Do you want to know? And my answer is always, no, I’m going to find an actor.
Yeah. Or maybe if I’m talking to the audience, you know, while I’m on stage, that’s okay. But I don’t want to freak out beforehand.
Yeah, absolutely. I think that’s true. I sort of, I feel the same about it.
I like when I get the wink that there might be someone that I’m nervous for. And usually I’ve been lucky because I have, I’ve worked with a lot of stage managers who know me quite well. Like one of my dear friends, Lucy McPhee, stage managed several times now.
And so, you know, I’m very lucky because she’s a friend and I’ve been lucky in that. So people know me and I think they know what would suit me best, which is really nice. So I kind of like to know maybe if I have a reason to be nervous, but I don’t want to hear names.
I don’t want to litreally know who that person is. I honestly don’t know if I want to know at all. Because if I have a reason to be nervous, then I’m going to freak out.
I’ll play all these games in my brain. Like, who could it be? Who could it be? Who could it be? And I’m going to mess up. I don’t mind the question mark.
I find it a little bit exciting. But if I know a name, I will think about it, which I don’t like. I don’t like really to… I just, I’m scared of seeing.
Yeah. I’m scared of like looking out and talking to the audience being like, oh, wow, that’s that person. And I had the… When I was performing The Commandment, I knew it was that it wouldn’t work to have me like walk out on stage.
So I knew I had to come from the back of the house. Yes. And because of fringe, I couldn’t like really wait outside.
So I had to wait at the back. And so I had devised this whole like, I’m wearing a hoodie with the hood up. I’ve got my earphones in so I can’t hear any voices.
Like, I will be in my own world because I couldn’t deal with the idea of like, performing that play and beforehand being like, oh, hey, Phil, how you doing? Hey, good to see you or whatever or whatever. Or even seeing like somebody that I knew. I just couldn’t deal with it.
That’s very fair. You know, yeah. Yeah.
It’s funny because in the workshop we did of Harvey and the Extraordinary last summer, it’s very much so it is interactive. And Mimi as a character sort of greets the audience as they come in. And that was funny too.
Like it was sort of my personal start. Yeah. Was different than the actual show start.
It was, you know, however much before I was already in character interacting. And it was funny because the workshop was sort of, it was kind of a small private workshop. So a lot of my peers or theatre makers who I like loved and respected.
And it was funny because they weren’t necessarily sure walking up towards the space. And it’s this like lovely garage space that has been lovingly given to us by our friends, Sarah and Jeff. And as they were coming up to the space, they could see me.
But I think they’re doing, you know, this kind of… Am I supposed to see you? Do I greet you? Do I… Oh, is she in character or is there just no backstage area or… You know what I mean? Like I watch them putting that together. And then they walk up and I’m greeting them in character. So it’s kind of funny like watching that negotiation.
It’s thrilling actually as an actor. What did you learn from the workshop that informed Harvey and the Extraordinary for this iteration? I learned so much. Honestly, it was a gift to have an audience because it is so interactive.
It was necessary. So that was really important just to feel it. And then that made it very clear what parts of the audience interaction, what one of those bits worked and what didn’t.
And then we actually had audience members do these little feedback forms, which were really hilarious and charming and they were in character. So Neil and I wrote those and we had a ton of fun doing that. Right.
And they were sort of this like silly way of getting at what we wanted, which was to hear what their experience was like as an audience member. And they were really helpful. Like we took so many of the thoughts and comments, all of them in a big sense.
But, you know, we took so many of those and plugged them into the new version. And I’ve since been doing a lot of rewriting and reworking with Neil. And then we have come out with a slightly longer, yeah, I think ever so slightly longer version.
And then sort of plugging in a bunch of the notes and thoughts from the audience. So like they were integral really to the new version. Are you in the same garage for frames this year? Yes, I am.
And what’s its proximity like to the Fringe neighbourhood? It’s actually, it’s a few blocks from the patio. Oh, that’s great. We’re so lucky.
You’re very lucky. We’re incredibly lucky. Yeah, and we’re hosted by some wonderful people.
And Cardinal Funeral Homes have given us their like accessible washrooms across the street. Nice. So it’s in an alleyway.
It’s off an alleyway called College, the College Way, College Place Alleyway. No, I’m gonna mess it up. Anyway, a few blocks from the Fringe patio.
People will be able to find it in the Fringe program. And there will be, yes, they will. And there’ll be hilarious child made signage in the neighbourhood.
Nice. So don’t you worry. Okay.
Eliza, where can we find you online? So I have a website, as you know, www.elizamartin.ca. And on Twitter, I am Lizie Doolittle. So at Lizie Doolittle. Nice.
Yeah. Thank you so much. It’s been a lot of fun.
Yeah. Thank you for having me. This has been a Homebody Productions production.
